Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen — It’s a light week for new DVD releases, and for that we can blame Michael Bay. Don’t worry, he’s used to it. Although his latest giant-robot explode-o-rama will easily rank as 2009’s highest-grossing release, it’s also been targeted as the latest harbinger of the downfall of civilization. Even the Criterion Collection, which has previously boosted its bottom line with special editions of The Rock and Armageddon, steered clear of this one.
It matters not — if ever there were a critic-proof movie, this is it. Its crimes against cinema have been well-documented: a punishing running time (150 minutes) better suited to a Civil War epic than a battle of robots that can turn into garbage trucks; a flagrant disregard for the principles of storytelling; an offensive pair of ghetto-bots that would make even Amos and Andy cringe; Megan Fox attempting to act. Still, Bay spent a lot of money to make shit blow up real good, and if that was good enough for audiences at the multiplex, it will be good enough for home-theater mavens with a taste for the same (particularly in its two-disc Blu-ray incarnation).
But what about the rest of us? Isn’t there something Bay and company could have done to make the DVD appealing for consumers with no interest in his witless pyrotechnics? How about a roundtable commentary track featuring some of the critics who savaged the movie? It could be the most entertaining rip job since Mystery Science Theater 3000 went off the air, but alas, you’ll have to settle for Bay and his screenwriters bloviating about their genius. The two-disc edition contains a number of documentaries and behind-the-scenes featurettes, but they’ve neglected to include a compilation of Bay’s greatest on-set tantrums. Or how about a bonus feature on Fox’s diva behavior, which led a number of crew members to pen a press release calling her classless and “dumb as a rock”? It’s a missed marketing opportunity for sure — and that’s not something you can say very often about Michael Bay.
Polanski Unauthorized — The week’s timeliest new release may also be its strangest, as writer/director/producer Damian Chapa dons a thrift-store Monkees wig to play Roman Polanski in this low-budget biopic, which promises to churn through the Chinatown auteur’s career highlights (Holocaust! Manson murders! Child rape!) with snuff-film sensitivity.
Cheri — It’s probably long past time to retire the term “cougar” now that it’s been appropriated by an ABC sitcom, so let’s just say that Michelle Pfeiffer plays a woman of a certain age who takes a much younger lover in this adaptation of the Colette novel by Stephen Frears (Dangerous Liaisons).
The William Castle Film Collection — The master of movie-promotion gimmicks gets the deluxe treatment with this box set collecting eight of his feature films (including The Tingler, 13 Ghosts and Mr. Sardonicus) as well as the 2007 documentary Spine Tingler! The William Castle Story.
